This is an article written by an ex-ACNielsen about the diff. universities in Manila...

Psycho Speaks
Vol 10-1

Psycho Speaks...on School Pride

Any of you catch the previous La Salle - Ateneo game? The one where La Salle blew a 15-point half time lead? The one that robbed many a Green's wallet and savings accounts of their contents? The one that most of you rubbed in my face the moment you saw me? Yeah, that one.

Well, it got me thinking of several things. Chief among which was how I can get away with bleeding Cardona's throat for choking YET AGAIN! But it also got me remembering about my college days. It seemed like eons ago and yet some feelings seem so fresh today even after 6 years.

I was a diehard Archer fan back then. Win or lose I'd be at the games, cheering and shouting for all I was worth. School Pride. You loved your campus and hated the others.

We all outgrow it eventually. Or do we? Let's test it shall we? Listed below are several schools and what I think of them. Try to see what you feel after reading what this jack-off had to say about your university.

Enjoy.

ATENEO
This school's trademark is arrogance. Nothing more, nothing less. I have, to this day, not met an Atenean who does not think that their school is THE best there is. Even La Sallites and um, uh, UP people (what do you call yourselves anyway?) are not this shamelessly boastful. This does not mean to say however, that they are all pricks and witches. Some of the best buds I have are Ateneans. All two of them. But come on! Seriously, the only thing Ateneo can claim to be the best in is creating a 2-hour gridlock over a road stretching 3 damned kilometers!!!

Oh, and Interdisciplinary Studies is NOT a course. It's Jesuit charity for the incurably dumb and lazy.

ADAMSON
Hmmm, let's see what I can say about Adamson. Well, there's the fact their school color is blue like Ateneo. Their team mascot is a bird like Ateneo. Aside from that, there's not a shred else. Damn this school is boring.

FEU and UE
Do any of you know what FEU stands for? Forever Useless! Yes, I'm an ass. But joking aside, the Far Eastern University and the University of the East are two schools whose names imply that at least one of them was founded by a group of people who had the creative, artistic, and imaginative prowess of a pile of rocks.

Seriously though, these are feel good schools. If you don't believe me try visiting either campus. The moment you see them, you start feeling good that you don't go there.

UP
Here's a school that, for better or worse, is totally bereft of any identity. Some people regard it as THE premier educational institution in the country. There are those who, for good reason, look at it simply as one big vicious playground. And others see it as a breeding ground for militant wannabe rebels who try to lobby for whatever cause they deem to be in the country's best interest. For those of you who can truly relate with the latter you have to be in your late 40's or 50's. Shit you're OLD!!! La lang.

I favor the first two views. It really IS the best educational institution there is. And I'm not just saying that because I'm surrounded all day by UP graduates who'd just as soon throw me off the 11th floor balcony given the slightest provocation as look at me. I really, really do believe...that they will kill me if I say anything bad against UP. Can you blame me? The only thing longer than the list of UP's distinguished alumni (Miriam Defensor included) is the list of all the in-campus violence. There's a psycho lurking deep inside each UP educated man/woman/child . This will be confirmed by the amount of hate mail I'll be receiving from them.

UST
Here's a school that will totally drag down one's social status just by being enrolled in it. I don't care how rich you are or how cultured you may be, if you're from UST it don't mean shit. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I know of several obnoxious AB kids who were brought down several pegs while studying there and are now some of the nicest, most unassuming people to walk this planet.

It's funny to note how much this place of learning mirrors the current social state of the country every time the UAAP season kicks in. Come the basketball tournament, they're all friends. You see them chanting, clapping, and giving each other high-fives. United by a common goal, the rich and the poor are united as one. After the event is passed, they all go back to hating each other.

DLSU
Di Lumusot Sa UPCAT. That's a classic ain't it? It's as hilarious now as it was when I first heard it in 1994, which is to say, it's about as funny as getting kicked in the crotch. It's sad to note for a proud alumnus such as myself that a school with as impressive an academic pedigree as La Salle has become nothing more than a money-hungry institution whose only requirements for acceptance nowadays seem to be a pulse, an IQ over 80, and the financial capacity/ability to pay. Nowadays, whenever I incounter a person clayming to be from La Sall and they speech bad, have poor grammage, and cannot spill correctness, I am not surprice.

NU
I'm not even sure if this place is a real school. And I don't mean that in a snooty-you're-nothing-compared-to-my-school way. I mean I'm not even sure this place actually exists. I actually started believing that its initials really stood for Negative sa UPCAT.

Think about it. Do any of you really know anyone from NU? Do any of you even know of anyone who knows anybody from NU?

And if any of you even point to their basketball team and the audience that watches its games as proof of its existence, I beg you to think of this point. They act like absolute maniacs and they even look the part. If we go by that, then the National University is not a school. It's a correctional facility.

CSB
This school has had a bad rep since the day of its inception. Admittedly, it started out as a place where DLSU can deposit its non-performing students so as not to give up the sizeable revenues from those hopeless bastards who have the money to shell out but not the ability to count it. Everybody knows this already.

What people don't know is that CSB now boasts of fine world class courses designed to equip the Benildean with the tools necessary to succeed in the real world. These courses include Basic Arithmetic majoring in the Multiplication Table, Whining with a specialization on Tantrums, and the ever popular Strategic Investments: What to do with your Parents'Money.

CRC/UAP
Them Opus Dei folks can slap it with whatever initials they deem fit, it would still not change the fact that this school will forever be known not by its academic achievements but more by the fact that it is the only school with a car to student ratio nearing 1:1. (No my dear CSB students and alums, that is not read as one colon one.)

The meanest thing one can say about CRC is that it's a school filled with students rich enough to be Ateneans, but will never be smart enough to be such. The nicest thing one can say about CRC is that it's near a Starbucks open until 2 am.

Now I realize I might have offended some people out there. Let me tell you right now that I am whole-heartedly and humbly sorry. I am sorry that you have no sense of humor and nobody had the heart to whack your uptight head when you were growing up. For those of you did appreciate this, I give seminars on insensitivity and creatively callous writing. Feel free to email me.

Peace and chill folks.
- psycho!!!

di pa sha tumigil. if you enjoyed the 1st part, there's more. :) more schools involved. pati high schools pinatulan :)

Psycho Speaks
Vol 10 - 2

Psycho Speaks on Notoriety

Usually, my articles are greeted by the same kind of silence that you can only find in outer space or really, really deep underwater. There are a few kind words thrown my way, which are greatly appreciated, but that is pretty much the extent of it. I'm more than certain that the previous issues of Psycho Speaks never really went beyond the original circle to which it was sent. That's cool. The actual purpose of this entire thing was to entertain my friends anyway and if anybody else got a kick out of it, it was just an added bonus.

But my piece on School Pride has met with a degree of popularity that I found overwhelming. Volume 10 found its way through discussion forums, email groups, and even bar conversations. It has been circulated so widely that it was even forwarded back to me from the U.S.! According to some people it was even responsible for sparking good-natured office feuds. God, it was the best natural high knowing that so many liked it.

Of course, you can't really please everybody. And this, without a doubt, was the most enjoyable aspect of my newfound infamy. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the people who wasted their time reacting to my ish. Without any of you, I would have no one to ridicule.

So my dear audience, before my 15 minutes of fame is up, let me now present

to you what people had to say about me, and more importantly, what I had to say about them.

Enjoy.

REACTIONS

One Atenean said that it would serve me well to remember that the great cinematic director Carlito Siguon-Reyna (or some such) was an IS graduate before I started mouthing off about their course like that. Another said something really profound and mature that went, "unlike you, we're goodlooking."

See, I never said anything about IS graduates being ugly or that they were not artistic. I just said they were dumb. Look, instead of defending yourselves, don't you think it would be best if you people just lift your hands to heaven and give thanks? You are, after all, living proof that nature really does compensate for natural disabilities such as stupidity.

-o-o-o-

People told me that I took it so easy on UP, that I either really respected or really was terrified of the school. A vast majority of these comments actually came from UP alums. I seem to have inadvertently given them a sense of superiority. This was not my intention. I actually thought that attaching the name of Miriam Defensor to UP was a slur worthy of the Ateneo --- Erap slap in the face. Apparently, it was not insulting enough. UP people are either too thick skinned or have very little pride in their university. They also informed me that they are known by the nickname Isko, meaning Iskolar ng Bayan. They're all proud of it too, which makes me wonder if UP can be entered into the Guiness Book of World Records as the largest collection of dorks...ever.

And iskolar? I asked them what was up with that? Scholars are supposed to be smart. A large proportion of them aren't. They say it's because the government subsidizes the University with OUR tax money. That being the case, I ask everyone to join me in giving UP people a nickname they truly deserve - LEECHES.

-o-o-o-

Since the article came out, I have been flooded by numerous text messages regarding sightings of what some claim to be are NU students. I think I have actually succeeded in creating an urban legend. Still, some believe in NU with a conviction that I cannot fathom. I am not saying you're all liars, but until you can show me some photographic evidence, or better yet, if you can capture for me a live sample, the existence of NU will forever be as much of a myth to me as the smart Benildean or the humble Atenean.

HATE MAIL

Speaking of CSB, one student wrote to me saying that she, and I quote,"will not stoop down to your (my) level of mockery and react to such frivolous nonsense." Dumbass! Didn't you just? But hey, props to you for using big words. I hope you didn't pop a blood vessel. I know how taxing thinking is for you people. I can't help but wonder how many times you had to spell check that and did it take your whole block to come up with that sentence?

And from my own backyard, come these two winners.

"have no right calling yourself an Archer like us." Damn straight I'm not going to call myself an archer. Unlike you, I'm not a wannabe. Congratulations to you though because your comment has sprung up in most email groups that have passed my article around. You have, single-handedly, confirmed to the rest of the academic community that our school caters to trying hard nerds such as yourself.

"La Sallians are not BOBO!!!" To whoever you are, I say that your command of the English language is unparalleled and does a lot to support your claim. You likewise mentioned that the tri-semester system is tough. It's not. Well maybe it is, you know, for the La Sallians who are bobo.

BASHER

Lastly, in the spirit of equal opportunity bashing here are some quick quips for all those schools that I left out of the original shit list:

Lyceum - I know what it's supposed to mean but there's still something so wrong when a school's name sounds like a sexually transmitted disease.

FEATI - "Look up, young man, look up - so we can pick your pockets." This is the only school I know that offers Criminalogy. Yes, you read right, Criminalogy. It's the course men take to become criminals.

La Salle Dasmarinas - Your violent reactions against my views on La Salle's admission policies is perplexing. For some reason, you seem to be under the delusion that you people are part of La Salle.

St. Benedict's College - All I can say is, "Wow, and I thought CSB kids were idiots."

Assumption Antipolo - I applaud you girls for your conviction that you are smarter, prettier, and sexier than the gals of the San Lorenzo campus. Now, all you have to do is convince the REST OF THE WORLD.

Assumption San Lorenzo - You've got to love a school whose slogan is, "where virginity is a thing of the past!"

Mapua -Can anybody say fungal infection?

St. Scholastica's College - And yet another slogan jackpot, "we start lesbians young!"

So there it is, my final foray into the world of academic trashing. Again, if I have offended anybody, please accept my heart felt, GO TO HELL! Don't worry, it won't be that bad down there. You can hang with all the Miriam chicks.

Seriously, it was cool being popular, even if it was just for a while. Thank you all. Now it's time for me to slide back into the arms ambiguity.

Peace and chill folks,
- psycho!!!

Sunday, November 06, 2005