[I may or may not feel this way tomorrow or in a week or in a month, but what matters is I'M FEELING THIS WAY RIGHT NOW. So the hell I care about what people might say about this, I'm just frustrated.]

Suddenly, I don't like to have my term break anymore. I don't want to be stuck at home, aaaaaah!!!! So I have to book myself with lots (and I mean LOTS) of activities, gimmicks and anything..ANYTHING!! Basta anything to keep me busy! I don't want to have daydreaming moments (I've had enough of my dreams na pag sa gabi and whenever I get to sleep), overdose na! I don't want to be tulala all of a sudden, and start thinking (overthinking) about things! Nooooo wayyy.

I swear, I'm gonna have camwhore moments this term break, and lots and lots of going out! Para naman feeling refreshed when I get back to school. Besides, 1 week of having lots of fun with friends won't hurt, right? [Sana lang I have the money to go with all the gimmicks, haha.]

P.S. The melancholic temperament isn't working for me, promise. The only thing I like in myself when I'm in my melancholic mode is that I'm obsessive-compulsive. YUN LANG. I hate it when I analyze things too much, when I get so depressed-prone, when I get too sensitive. Masyado na kong madrama. Yes, I know that. And friends (even my bestfriend) even call me "emo" now. Waaaah yuck no! It's just not me (Or baka hindi ko lang tanggap). Nakakainis lang kasi melancholics tend to think things through before they leap into something, and when they do, it's EXPECTED to have great results. And if it doesn't, ramdam sobra yung failure. Because you thought about it SO MUCH, only to end up that even if you put so much of your time weighing the pros and cons, you still end up as a failure. And that angers me. It angers me, because it goes with my being choleric. That I have to keep my pride up. So Joanne = Choleric-Melancholic? It just doesn't jive.

It's time to veer away from my melancholic side, before it eats me. Strong, grabe.

I used to be a Choleric-Sanguine. AND NOW I WANT TO BE THAT AGAIN. [Nostalgic lang, it was when I was in HS nung Choleric-Sanguine ako. In my 4 years of HS, I don't think I cried more than 5 times because of personal problems. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. Because I used to see the brighter side of things, that there's more to life. Bakit hindi ko na makaya yung ganun? The more I become mature physically, I become immature emotionally? Ewww. Kawawa naman ako. Haha. If I continue being like this, naku, patay. And I used to be perky and happy and contented with my life (aaah craving for innocence) pa. Those were the times when I just lived my own life, not worrying about what other people might say.]

Tapos ngayon, because I get so much attached to people, I often base my decisions with my own, PLUS what other people might feel. Tama na yun. I need to be selfish now, at least now. Because I've been living so long in a way that I've been getting too dependent on others. Tama na drama sa buhay, icky na e. I believe in happy endings too much now, and it's time to wake up and breathe reality in. That not everything will have happy endings. Not for the meantime.

I'm choleric enough not to care, and now, I KNOW I'm choleric enough to NOT be a melancholic. Sanguine friends, let's unite! I'll be joining the club, soon. ;)

P.P.S. AND now, Jon's shutting down her life first. Dare to enter? Papahirapan muna kita.