I just feel like crying.

It's 2:30 in the morning, and I can't feel myself wanting to sleep.

I want to shout my heart out. My feelings, pains, frustrations, disappointment. But I just can't. Not in this blog, because this has been too public for me to put my most personal rants here. Hay.

And I'm too lazy to make a private blog (but I've been considering making one many times already).

I hate this. Suddenly memories come flashing back, and makes me more sad than ever. Sad because I know that they won't happen anymore. And if they do, it'll never feel the same way again, the way it felt the first time around. It's just really hard to explain myself. So it's not a problem if you don't read this post (because it's more of just having myself express what I feel right now).

And then there are those Friendster profiles. I just recently see myself lurking from one profile to another, and it made me miss the people I used to be close with. And seeing how they've changed. How they've changed since I started to be away (or kind of ). And it made me wonder more how they're doing now, without me in it. And it feels a bit depressing seeing those pictures, with their happy faces on it, like it wasn't really a big deal that I've been gone.

I am becoming paranoid, I know.

But sometimes, we just have these low times, right? So give me this moment.

I don't know since when, but I am becoming this person who finds it hard now to believe what people say to me. It's just like whenever someone tells me something (especially when it involves his/her feeling about something), I always think that there's always a hidden agenda behind all those words. It's just so hard to believe. Because when you do, you just find yourself tricked once again after believing and trusting.

I just want to bring back the days when trusting people wasn't a problem for me. :(